good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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