Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
