Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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