...so i touched it.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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