so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I think we might need a safe word for this...
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
