I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I faked an abortion last night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
