hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
