can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
