Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize