i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
