just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
