We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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