you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
