so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
