you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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