i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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