I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
this boner is exhausting
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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