and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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