hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
