Please, let me fuck your mom
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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