Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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