shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
