everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
