I think i peed on brittanys purse
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
