i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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