i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
