Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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