Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
