I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
