i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
