i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
