he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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