woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize