Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
