pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
