You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
