yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
