highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
