I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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