Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
