Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
