You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
