do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
