Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize