At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
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