Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
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