omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
