you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
