How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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