people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
