Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
