he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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