my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
