Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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