If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
