Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
