I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
