I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
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