If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize