no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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