I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
