I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
