Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
