i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
