Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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