I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
