i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
