You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
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