Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
